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I could be wrong. I haven't done any surveys or studies on the topic. I don't know what percentage of people are walking around with their heads in the clouds like Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You , but I know enough people who feel that way for me to have formed the opinions I have, including my younger self. I saw myself in Tai from Clueless ; the shy, tomboyish girl who magically became popular after her friends combed her hair and dressed her up. So at 10 years old, I thought I could live happily ever after with my older brother's best friend when I stuffed my shirt and stole my mother's lipstick.

In case you were wondering, lopsided toilet paper boobs and makeup like The Joker don't do the trick. I don't love often and I don't mindlessly fall into it anymore. I've trained myself to view love logically , it keeps me safe and I waste less time. I can usually identify deal-breakers before the first date ends without emotions clouding my judgement.

Have you ever been in a relationship where an issue continuously presented itself until you broke up? Do you remember ignoring that problem in the beginning because you thought you could change him?

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Some men have called me cold, unavailable, and unforgiving and I'm alright with that. I'm not here to force my beliefs onto anyone and I won't feel obligated to someone I barely know. Just yesterday during pillow talk, a man I've been seeing on and off for about nine months asked if I had ever been in a real relationship. I laughed and told him I had been through it all. I said that I've experienced everything from the butterflies to the broken hearts, loving someone who didn't love me back, and completely losing my identity for a boy.

He was shocked and that amused me; so I told him something else I knew he wouldn't believe: I love love despite lacking the desire to be in it. After that, I kissed him to remind him he didn't have any business trying to get into my head. What does it mean to love, love? I'm not sure there's a one size fits all answer that question, nor do I think the question can possibly be answered incorrectly.

Until about two years ago, I was a hopeless romantic. Experience taught me I'd live longer and hurt less if I gave my emotions a brain, so I have.

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Approaching Love | LIGHTNESS

I am an impatient, self-serving cynic with a good heart. Call her, ask her when is the best time to call her, send her messages, chat. Have content in your conversations. Don't start a chat with her and have nothing to talk about. Women love it when the man takes charge of the conversation at the beginning. Avoid sexual compliments at the beginning. Don't say "You've got amazing boobs", " such a fine butt you have", "eish, and sexy thighs". It makes her think you are only after sex.

Dear wives, not every single woman wants your husband Don't go on and on making the conversation about you; your success, your cars, how far you have traveled, your money, the number of followers you have on social media. Women don't like men who brag. Don't think you are doing her a favor by being with her.

Make her feel good about herself, build an environment where she can open up. Let her find herself doing much of the talking, ask questions, show interest.

The truth, every woman is looking for a real conversation; if your vibe is good, you are a keeper. Don't make her feel like she is being interrogated, you throwing questions at her without taking time to listen. When you try and call her phone or text her and she doesn't respond; don't get desperate, calling her phone every five minutes, texting her like she is your wife "Where are you! Relax, she will get back to you. Possessive men are a turn-off.

If you sense other men are also trying to woo her, and maybe even getting close to her; keep your calm. She is beautiful, of course other men will try their luck, but if she is yours and likes you for your good character, no other man will dissuade her from you. Don't let your jealousy fill you with rage, giving her orders, dictating where she goes and who she sees. If she can't be comfortable telling you about her ex or how her day has been in her workplace that is full of men, she will begin doubting if you can handle her. Open up too, don't make her feel like she is the only one who is revealing things about herself.

Tell her things about you, it makes the conversation two-way. Tell her about your family, your most memorable moments, your heart's desires, your embarrassing moments; humanize yourself. If she reveals something shocking about herself, a dark past, a past mistake; don't judge her, don't make her feel ashamed. End each conversation on a high. Even when you enjoy talking with her, pause the conversations to continue later, leave the conversations in a way that she gets wowed.

Approaching Love With Logic and Cynicism

Leave her smiling, leave her better than you found her. Avoid calling her pet names and sweet words at the beginning. Refrain from calling her "Sweetheart", "Dear", "Honey", "Bae" when you two don't know each other well. Men who are loose with these words are not serious. Keep your focus on her. Don't make her feel she is competing with another woman yet you are the one who is coming on to her.


  1. 24 tips for men on how to approach a woman and make her fall for you.
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Don't go liking and commenting suggestively on the pics of other women, don't flirt with other women, don't make her feel your chat with her is disrupted because you are giving attention to other women. Take her on dates on days and venues convenient for her. Her comfort is key, that's what a real gentleman does. Go at her pace, no pressure. Add value to her life.

25 Cute Love Quotes For Her

Correct her with love when she is wrong, find out her dreams, support her, pay attention to what concerns her, build her, be honest with her in your criticism, challenge her, give her fun times, advise her; that's the kind of man she is looking for. Let her miss you. Yes, you are growing fond of her but sometimes deny each other the chance to talk and meet so that she appreciates your value. This also shows that you are a grown man, you are busy building your life and vision, that your life is not just about her; you are not putting your life on hold just because you've found her.

Keep sex out of the equation.

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