I was hoping to get great ideas for raising kids who don't have the severe attachment problems--but they aren't the real target of this book. The first key principle in the book is that, "All negative behavior arises from an unconscious, fear-based state of stress. The assertions about neuroscience also didn't jive with the stuff I was hearing from neurologists on things like The Brain Science Podcast.
For example, the authors state, "We never lose a single memory. Our memories get stored away in the filing cabinet of our mind when they are no longer needed and can then be recalled when necessary. Our memories are hugely fallible.
Not only that, but each time we replay a memory, we alter it. This has been demonstrated in many experiments. The authors embed this sort of claim in the midst of a discussion of brain anatomy which makes it sounds like they are really well informed. But it sounds like their information isn't up to date with the current research. I had a friend who was really impressed by the book. I really respect her opinion which is why I purchased the book to read it. Instead, I would recommend that you read something like "Bonds that make us free" by C.
I really like the way he explains the power of personal relationships and how seeing other people as objects or obstacles will harm our ability to influence them. Interestingly, this book has a cool copyright grant. Reproductions of this book are not to be sold and may only be given free of charge. Jun 19, Julia rated it it was amazing. Great book for parents deal with attachment-challenged children.
Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control, Volume 2
Chapters cover lying, stealing, hoarding, gorging, aggression and lack of eye-contact. We haven't dealt with the aggression part, but everything else has definitely been an issue in our adoption. I only wish I had read this earlier! The concepts are simple and based on love. May 19, Erin rated it it was amazing Shelves: I'm not sure that Goodreads is the place to get all spiritual, but let's just say that this book was placed in my hands and read in a timely fashion through undeniable divine intervention.
It was a direct answer to several months a heartfelt prayer, and. I look at my current situation with my adopted girls in a whole new light now and feel completely empowered to know how to handle their extreme behaviors and my reactions to them. Now I just need to I'm not sure that Goodreads is the place to get all spiritual, but let's just say that this book was placed in my hands and read in a timely fashion through undeniable divine intervention.
Now I just need to practice and forgive myself when things don't go perfectly This book is a must read! So, so, so grateful for this book!! As as result they have what is now termed "reactive attachment disorder. Brain research is used to understand what happens when a child's life is threatened. What I like most about this approach is the understanding that underlying extreme behavior such as aggression, stealing, lying, hoarding, etc For these kids, exerting power and dominance only makes them more fearful.
May 04, Natalie rated it it was amazing. I liked the love, not fear based approach. Written for severe behaviors but good applications for any parent.
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I think the authors should write one for marriage. The thing that shocked me the most were some of the other theories and practices commonly used today. Sep 02, Beth rated it it was amazing Shelves: No kids yet, but in the process of adopting an older child from foster care. Good recommendation for foster parents I read this book because it was recommended reading on a booklist for foster parents.
I loved what it said, I feel it is paradigm shifting for me and will refer back to it. I tried some of the stuff she suggested today with my own kids and I felt more calm when dealing with them which was empowering. I'll try to remember to edit this review as I see how these ideas play out in the long term. Aug 14, Jessica rated it liked it. This book is definitely a mixed bag, and my rating might be generous. The authors present suggestions for dealing with children who act out due to past trauma, and if the testimonies are real these suggestions seem to make a real difference in many families.
The difficulty is that they can't just say, "This works; just trust us. I almost abandoned this book after the first couple of chapters b 2. I almost abandoned this book after the first couple of chapters because of the terrible presentation of the research on brain structure and functioning not to mention the atrocious lack of editing.
I suggest skipping over that first part and going right to the sections on specific issues and suggested approaches. Their examples came across a bit overly optimistic at times as if a chronically defiant child is going to comply the first time he's approached the right way , but I think their general framework is a good one and worth a try if you're experiencing the problems they address.
I do think their portrayal of the "traditional view" in attachment therapy is a bit of a straw man sometimes — maybe it reflects some therapists' perspectives, but it's a bit extreme to represent all of them — but I suppose if their approach works it doesn't matter as much if they wrongly vilify the alternatives. I don't know if we'll adopt older kids in the future, but I think it's helpful to know that this approach is out there.
Even with our son now, I'll be asking myself if his negative behaviors could be coming from a place of fear before automatically implementing consequences for them. Mar 21, Carlin rated it liked it. It was interesting and helpful in a lot of ways, but I felt like a terrible person by the end. It was all my fault because I hadn't delt with childhood traumas, etc.
I really had a great childhood and have always had the desire to adopt. It did encourage me to get some help and we have discovered my trauma is from the terrible two week stay I had at the orphanage and the abusive daughter that we adopted who scared the crap out of me when we got home. The best thing we have done was find a therap It was interesting and helpful in a lot of ways, but I felt like a terrible person by the end.
Heather T. Forbes, LCSW
The best thing we have done was find a therapist who specializes in RAD and is working with both of us in sessions to help her learn emotions and how to communicate and have a relationship with a mother. It is hard work and for every step fwd there are set backs, but I'm not the crazy person the book had me believe I was.
I will probably read it again in a few more months. Dec 12, Jeanine Marie Swenson rated it really liked it. If your children do not respond to traditional parenting techniques like Magic and Love and Logic, then this is book series is for you. Combining the most up-to-date research from social neuroscience, child development and attachment disorders, family therapist, Heather Forbes, gently suggests other relationship building techniques that might work for your family. This book is a very good resource for any professional that works with children or families.
Feb 28, Leanne rated it really liked it Shelves: There is so much to be gained from Heather Forbes' teachings, a lot of wisdom and acceptance. Nevertheless, this book should come with some sort of warning label like: Not all our children's "negative" behavior is control, manipulation or defiance; in fact, it is based out of fear. Our parenting needs to shift from a place of Fear to a place of Love. Here's a couple great quotes from the book: We are all conditioned to behave in various ways both good and bad.
One cannot build and strengthen a relationship when fear is present. There is no fear in love-- 1 John 4: May 08, Erika rated it it was amazing. One of the best, most easily understood, most practical guides for how to help children with "negative" behaviors. The techniques in this book work for attachment-challenged children.
May 30, Leif Kurth rated it liked it. Parenting these children requires more patience, more introspection, and more attention to the details of the child's life. Mar 13, Cindy rated it it was amazing Shelves: This book has changed our parenting for the better and we are seeing results, slowly but surely.
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Jul 21, Pamela rated it it was amazing. Worth reading and re-reading.
Feb 16, Lindsey Roath rated it liked it. This was a difficult read. It was super helpful, but super difficult to determine how to implement those strategies into my own life. Mar 26, John Kirkman rated it really liked it Shelves: Opened my eyes to a new way of looking at things.
Jun 03, Madeline rated it did not like it Shelves: This is boring and of minimal use. Save your money and read The Connected Child instead. Jun 09, D. This book was a great introduction into the Stress Model. I feel like I will read it again, to get a great foundation before I explore Vol. I find that I am already trying to re frame behaviors I see with this information in mind. The detailed sections on behaviors were repetitious but this can be helpful for clarifying the information, and teaching about each behavior.
Before reading these sections, I didn't realize some of these behaviors were occurring. Feb 28, Cathy rated it really liked it. Parenting traumatized kids is tough, and this book offers a perspective that helped me see my child's challenging behaviors as something other than a response to my parenting, which was really helpful.
I have some questions about the brain science they cite, but the general ideas are valuable, and in changing my approach to my kid's behavior, I've found more peace. Oct 10, Ariyah Brunson rated it liked it. Beyond consequences, logic, and control. A book written by Heather T. Forbes and Bryan Post. This book is pages, and is a formal tone with confidence. This book gives an amazing understanding of the human brain with all of its many parts.
To help children with trauma histories. With trauma and stress and the challenges, it brings to everyday life to help different individuals. The point in this book is to help children deal with the outcome of their bad behaviors, due to disorders such as PT Beyond consequences, logic, and control. The point in this book is to help children deal with the outcome of their bad behaviors, due to disorders such as PTSD, without giving consequences to add more anxiety to their lives. Which can cause more triggers and negative 'feedback loops'.
Heather, one of the authors, refers to the negative 'feedback loops' a lot in this book. In order for the brain to heal, we must create positive 'feedback loops'. This can take a long time but it's possible. We tend to have our own fears and want to control the situation, therefore, not giving the positive feedback that the brain needs. The behaviors consist of stealing, hoarding, lying, aggressive, defiance, eye contact, and being anger. All the children with a trauma history have at least one of these behavioral problems.
Those are usually histories of disrupted attachments. This means they either attach to any strangers or have a hard time trusting anyone. It is hard to understand as there are so many references to the brain and the brain is so complex. The brain has so many parts and functions. If you don't quite understand the book, definitely reread it so you get a better understanding.
If iTunes doesn't open, click the iTunes application icon in your Dock or on your Windows desktop. If Apple Books doesn't open, click the Books app in your Dock. Click I Have iTunes to open it now. View More by This Author. Description This second volume of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control is an evolution of the first volume; it begins where Volume 1 left off! Help for Billy Heather T.
Parenting with Love and Logic Foster Cline. No-Drama Discipline Daniel J. Customer Ratings We have not received enough ratings to display an average for this book. More by Heather T.