PDF Sermon + Bible Study Notes: How to Handle Conflict

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The key to a happy successful marriage is learning to thrive on your differences. Make it a good thing not a bad thing. A successful marriage is built within the biblical truth of God. Remember that God is part of your marriage. If both spouses are believers, God is with them. Understand that happiness comes within. If you are one of those people that says "my partner doesn't make me happy", maybe you should consider for a moment why you thought they would? True happiness comes from within, and unless your partner is a true horror of humanity, a thoroughly unpleasant person, chances are the only reason you are unhappy is because of something inside yourself, some unfulfilled potential or hidden dream.

Talk over how you picture your home in your mind. It's important to agree on this, as if you both aspire to making the home a different way, it's going to cause long term conflict. The typical example is the man wanting his home to look like his home, with his things where he can get at them etc, and the woman wanting everything neatly filed away at all times like a show home. You need to compromise together, as it's not really fair for either of you to expect the other to live how you want them to.

Never compare your relationship to one from the past, or your partner to a past partner. This is never good. Firstly, no two relationships are alike. They can't be, as every couple has so many fine points of interaction, it would literally be impossible to replicate with a different person in the mix.

It's like comparing your pet dog to a goldfish you used to have. Arrange some together time. It doesn't even need to be a particularly large amount of time, the point is that it should be just the two of you and no distractions.

Lesson The Source of Conflicts (James ) | xecykisypife.tk

No TV, no company, just the two of you. This will help you retain a sense of how to interact with each other. Actively reminisce about past times. The good times you have shared can act like the glue that bonds you together, and it can be genuinely good fun to talk about the past and exciting things you have done together. Another plus point to this is that the more exciting and fun things you do with each other, the more stuff you will have to reminisce about.

Settle differences without a third party: Were they not doing what He had told them? Doing God's will does not exempt you from the common problems of life. Just because you are doing the right thing does not mean your car is not going to break down or have some major health problem or otherwise.

So there was a food shortage in verse 2. That is what you call financial bondage. They were using their equity to feed their families. They were taking their equity out of their homes and mortgaging them deeper and deeper just to put food on the table. They were selling their children as slaves to pay their debts. They had to have food so first they mortgaged their homes then they started selling off their family to raise money. They were forced to place their kids into slave labor to pay debts.

The Bible is relevant! High taxes, high mortgage, high prices, forced to work overtime -- sounds like many of our homes today. But these hard times were not the root problem. They are complaining about each other. The rich Jews were exploiting the poor Jews in a time of crisis.

They were taking advantage and capitalizing on the misfortunes of the poor people. Those who had money and had food were saying, "If you'll sell me your house I'll give you food. I will lend you money but it will be at high interest rates. And if you can't pay the loan I'll take your children as collateral.

God gives You conflict so that You can learn resolution - #T.D. Jakes - The best sermon Ever!

Rather than helping and giving to the poor they're charging high interest and repossessing their homes, taking their children as slaves -- total disregard for the misfortunes of other people, only thinking of themselves. God allowed the Jews to charge interest to other people, but they were not allowed to charge interest to each other.

They could loan to each other but they could not charge any interest on it. The Bible also said that the Jew was not to enslave another Jew. If someone was poor he could come and work for you but you were not to make him your slave. They were clearly violating God's will. The rich were blatantly violating these laws: We have a conflict between the haves and the have nots right in the middle of this building program. The root cause of internal conflict and discord is always selfishness.

Whether you have conflict in your family, with your boyfriend, in church, in your office, at school -- the bottom line in conflict is always selfishness. Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?

October 23, 2013

When my wants conflict with your wants, we have a problem! We are going to have conflict, division. The most fulfilling part of leadership is working with people. But the most frustrating part of leadership is working with people. People tend to be selfish, including me. We want our own way. We want to do our own thing. As a result we do not always want what is best. We think of ourselves and that causes conflict. It is always selfishness. How do we resolve conflict? Nehemiah knew this whole thing could blow up in his face and the wall never be rebuilt.

They were exploiting each other. They had Jews fighting against Jews, families fighting against families. In verse 1, the men and their wives raised a great outcry against their own people. This kind of conflict is much worse than fighting an enemy out there. An external enemy will often cause the troops to rally, it builds unity. When you are fighting each other, it is dividing you apart. When the harmony of your church or family is threatened, you had better get angry. You must protect the harmony of your home, your group, your Sunday School class -- whatever.

It is important to remember that the building of the wall did not create these problems; it revealed them. When we begin to move forward for the Lord problems will surface. Sometimes anger is very appropriate. Sometimes it is the right thing to do. This verse says Nehemiah was very angry.

Anger is commanded by God. It is possible to be angry and not sin. If it was not possible then God has sinned. We are told that Jesus got angry. You can get angry and not sin. One of the first things you need to do if there is disharmony caused by selfishness is to become angry. You need to take it seriously! There is the right kind of anger and the wrong kind of anger. The key is knowing the difference. Nobody was hurting him. He was not getting angry and striking back because somebody bruised his ego.

That is the wrong kind of anger. He was not striking back in revenge. But what he had was justifiable indignation. He was angry at the selfishness of these rich people. He was deeply disturbed by their exploitation of the poor. They could stop the entire project just because of their own selfishness and greed. Nehemiah must have thought, "What good is a wall if the people inside the wall are ripping each other off?


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What good is a wall if we're exploiting each other? When you see something that is destroying the harmony in your family, your church, your nation, your business the first thing you should do is get upset. Nothing should upset us more than division in our homes or our church. If you want to be called on the carpet at PBC, just cause division or propagate false doctrine. I am jealous for harmony in this church.

I am jealous for the unity in this church. I am jealous for the purity of this church. The last thing they needed was internal strife especially since there was plenty external strife anyway. If you only do step one and do not do step two you are going to get into a lot of trouble. These people were ripping everybody off.

The Hebrew word is literally "I consulted with myself". Nehemiah's first reaction was to get angry. But before he did anything else he got alone with God, prayed about it, thought about it to get the perspective right. He planned it out and said, "God, what do You want me to say? You need to set down and say, "What's really going on here? I am ticked off. But what's really happening?

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Because, when you get angry your first reaction is usually wrong. You ought to get angry. There are some things you ought to get upset about when you see selfishness preventing or harming the work of God. But before you do anything about it you do step two you need to take time to think and pray. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. This is the antidote. It is not a contradiction. It is clarifying what Ephesians said, "Be angry and sin not. Man's anger is when we act in revenge. God's anger is when we act in righteousness.

There is no personal vendetta involved: I am going to get angry because you hurt me, you irritated me, you frustrated me, and you disappointed me. You are angry out of your own selfishness. Somebody did not live up to your expectations. What he is saying, " be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.

If you are quick to listen and slow to speak you will be slow to anger. And the anger you have will be godly anger after you have thought it through, consulted with yourself. You have not just spouted off whatever first came to mind. Impulsive anger always gets you in trouble. I have seen a lot of leaders who were very effective for the Lord, in a moment of impulse blow it all. They lost their credibility just because they were impulsive. Step two is reflection. It is a good antidote or qualifier of step one -- the reaction of getting angry.

Step Three — Rebuke, privately confront the offending party. Go directly to the source. You do not deal with somebody else about it; you do not talk with five or six different people to get everybody on your side. You do not say, "I've got a prayer request You go directly to the person, directly to the source.

If someone has offended you and you go to someone else you have already sinned. He goes to them directly. He rightly could have demanded a food allowance as his predecessors had done by taxing the people and then sending their servants out to collect the tax with force. The governor had a right to such an allowance, and Nehemiah could have imposed it.

After all, he had Jews and officials at his table daily, besides those who came in from surrounding nations 5: To feed them required one ox, six choice sheep, plus poultry and wine every day 5: Many Christian leaders fall into the trap of thinking that their position gives them certain rights and power. We should follow the example of the Lord Jesus, who laid aside His rights to take on the form of a servant and be obedient even to death on a cross. Nehemiah gives two reasons why he bucked the trend of his predecessors and laid aside his rights: He feared God 5: Every man in leadership must constantly remember that he is only a servant under God, and that he must answer to God someday.

Fearing God means that we should not do things as others, even other Christians, do them. We must fear God first and foremost. And, we must care about hurting people. To add to the burden of those who are already burdened would be insensitive and unloving. I do not share this in any way to boast, but only, like Nehemiah, to give you an example. Years ago, I had a beautiful Mustang.

My office was at home. One day I listened to a woman who had all sorts of problems. I offered some counsel and prayed with her. As she left, I was standing at the window and I watched as she backed her huge car into my nice Mustang. People matter more than cars do! A leader must be an example of generosity. Nehemiah and his servants probably knew in advance that real estate prices would shoot up once the wall was completed.

They could have bought up land cheaply before announcing the project and then sold the land at a tidy profit. But the soldier in active service does not get entangled in everyday affairs, so that he may please the one who enlisted him 2 Tim. Nehemiah kept his focus on the work. So, Nehemiah exercised righteous anger under control. He confronted those at fault biblically. He set a godly personal example. The remarkable thing is that when he confronted them with their wrong behavior, they agreed to give back the money and do as Nehemiah had requested 5: Nehemiah knew that human nature is full of good intentions that never make it into practice.

So he made these rich men take a public oath before the priests, that they would follow through. Leaders need to hold people accountable to their promises before God and others. If there has been marital unfaithfulness or financial misdeeds, the guilty party needs to reestablish trust. The only way to do that is through very close accountability. Thus to resolve conflicts biblically, people must air complaints to the proper authorities.

Leaders must deal with those complaints in a biblical manner. Sadly, when leaders confront people with wrongdoing, all too often the people either react with anger and defensiveness, or they just move on to another church or drop out of church altogether without dealing with their sin.


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But thankfully, there are a few victories, such as we see here. They were willing to face up to their own greed and to pay back those whom they had taken advantage of. And, they were not only willing to be held accountable, but they did it with praise to God 5: From 25 years as a pastor, I can say that to see people respond that readily to correction is rare!

Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you. Other things were addressed to those of us who lead in some capacity. Someone has said that in a church quarrel, Satan remains neutral and supplies ammunition to both sides. Then His work will go forward.