I'm glad i stumbled upon your post because its similar to my situation, but I'm more her in this story. Me and my girlfriend both have depression and 3 days ago i broke up with her because we were both toxic for each other and dragged each others moods down, she is very lost and confused and the fact she broke up with you but doing nothing else to fix her problems isn't surprising because people with depression are like that.
When she calls you and takes screenshots etc I'm assuming in that time her depression has gotten so bad that she just needs to feel some sort of love or normality, at like 2 in the morning the day after the breakup with my girlfriend i was very sad and i called her and apologized and we made up but the next morning i woke up and i was just so sad and knew i shouldn't of done that.
Maybe she felt similar and wanted to be with you but when she was with you in person she realized her depression was worse. I'm not sure if this will help you at all but its sometimes nice to have some clarity about a bad situation. Also when she does all this try your best not to take her actions personally, because i had a family member who would cry over the fact I'm depressed and would make me comfort her which was really messed up. Ive never had to deal with an EX of someones that is manipulative of a past girlfriend, but i have dealt with a very manipulative friend and the best bet is confront manipulative people in person with facts.
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Hey guys, Long story short and god it's a long and complicated one. I love her so much. Stay in touch with us Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones. I agree to receive email communications from beyondblue you can unsubscribe from this at a later date if you wish.
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Please try later or contact us. She studied English at Oxford University, where she edited Cherwell, the student newspaper, won the Philip Geddes Prize for Journalism, and graduated with a first. In she won Young Journalist of the Year at the British Press Awards and a year later was voted Feature Writer of the Year, the youngest ever recipient of the award. Outside journalism she has written a one act play called 'The Prompt', and a book on musicals entitled, 'What Would Barbara Do?
How Musicals Changed My Life'. This'll come around again on R4x at some point; I'll catch it then. Brockes' mother Pauline left South Africa as a young woman and it is not until Brockes is an adult and her mother has died that she finds out the full story of her mother's family. In some ways, this is an incredibly disturbing book - Pauline's father was a violent and sexually abusive alchoholic and the stories about him are truly horrific. But it is just as much about the ability to create a life worth living out even out of the most difficult of surroundings.
Also, Brockes has a very light to Brockes' mother Pauline left South Africa as a young woman and it is not until Brockes is an adult and her mother has died that she finds out the full story of her mother's family. Also, Brockes has a very light touch - I found myself laughing a number of times, though granted the hunour was very dark.
It's amazing what people live through. Apr 14, Laura rated it liked it Recommended to Laura by: Warm and moving memoir in which the author uncovers dark family secrets. Apr 13, Vicky "phenkos" rated it liked it. I became interested in this book when I read a newspaper article by the author about her mother's death and how difficult she had found having to spend a night on her own in her deceased mother's house. Despite lacking any belief in ghosts, the soul or the afterlife, I've had a very similar experience myself, so when I found out Brockes had written a book about her late mother I couldn't wait to get my hands on it.
The title is extremely interesting and intriguing. What kin I became interested in this book when I read a newspaper article by the author about her mother's death and how difficult she had found having to spend a night on her own in her deceased mother's house.
What kind of gun was that, I wondered. A real gun or a metaphorical one as when we mean to say something about mother-daughter connections, matrilineal lines or loaded relationships? The first few pages got me sucked in. The book begins with a story about the narrator's grandmother in South Africa who married a man that was a 'talented carpenter, a talented artist, a convicted murderer and a very bad poet'.
Just putting the words 'convicted murderer' amongst the others makes for a very exciting first paragraph. What was the murder he had been convicted for? Did the grandmother know about this? Did he commit another one? The picture of that grandfather on page 1 - a tall, slim man with fine features and smart clothes - does not belie any murderous inclinations. Alas, the grandmother dies two years after she gives birth to a baby girl - the narrator's mother - and we get to know a few bits of family history.
That the family on the grandmother's side lost touch with the baby; that the grandfather remarried; that when that girl grows up she goes to London where she marries and has a daughter the narrator ; that she doesn't talk very much about the past and only tells her duahter a few stories 'about her childhood, her work, her friends'. And then comes the crucial bit: There had been a highly publicised court case, during which he had defended himself, cross-examining his own children in the witness box and destroying them one by one. Her stepmother had covered for him. He had been found not guilty'.
That woman, Brockes, sure knows how to draw one in! Probably the latter as young girls do not normally get their fathers arrested except when they've done something horrible to the family. Who did he do it then, herself or a sibling? This court case of an evasive crime becomes the backbone of the book. Unfortunately, there is a problem here as Emma Brockes weaves two different threads, a journey of discovery about her mother's past and a detective story that needs to get resolved.
It should be possible in principle to integrate these two threads successfully but I found myself skipping bits of the 'discovery' part to get to the 'detective' part. Was it indeed incest as we suspect at the beginning? If so, who was the victim? What happens when the father is declared 'not-guilty'? Does he turn against the daughter, and if so, does she have to flee? Is that why she leaves for London? I think the problem is that with the court case and insinuation of incest Brockes has such a strong story on her hands that the interest of the reader gets chanelled to that at the expense of the other elements process of self-discovery and identity formation.
She Left Me the Gun: My Mother's Life Before Me by Emma Brockes
On the plus side, the writing is excellent and one does get to see a mother-daughter relationship as it unfolds and develops over time. Sep 09, Sunny rated it really liked it. What an intense read! She merges two storylines very effectively: As someone who teaches genealogy professionally, I care a lot about WHY people are compelled to trace their family stories, especially when they know what they find won't be picture-perfect. I also care a lot about the process they use.
Emma does a fantastic job of communicating the "why," mostly by letting her see inside her last days with her mothe What an intense read! Emma does a fantastic job of communicating the "why," mostly by letting her see inside her last days with her mother before she passes away. And she gives just enough description of the research process in old court records to show she's really done her homework--without boring those who don't care very much about the documents used to reconstruct the past.
Jun 12, Tiffany Wacaser rated it liked it. I heard about this book from Genealogy Gems, a family history podcast I listen to. They had a brief interview with the author and the story intrigued me. I was a little worried about reading the book because I knew it would deal with domestic violence and sexual abuse and that always troubles me.
In fact, I tend to avoid books with abuse in it because it is really hard for me to cope. I was definitely bothered by what happene Warning: I was definitely bothered by what happened, but the author did such a good job of emphasizing the strength and tenacity of her mother that while you feel sorry for her, you can't pity her because she transcended the tragedy of her young life.
This book is a rambling memoir of journalist, Emma Brockes, attempt to discover the past of her mother in South Africa. Emma Brocke's grandfather was a convicted murderer who served a minimal jail sentence and then charmed a young woman into marrying him, Emma's grandmother. Emma's grandmother dies when her daughter, Emma's mother, Paula, is only two. Paula is then raised by a very young stepmother, who is also at the mercy of the abuse of a very violent husband.
Emma Brockes never had the courage to ask her mother for the details of her life, so when she dies, Emma goes to South Africa to ferret out the truth through court records, newspaper articles, and interviews with Paula's half siblings-several brothers and sisters who all were seriously affected by the chaos, abuse, and tragedy of their childhoods.
What follows is the story of a young woman who had strength to try all in her power to protect her younger siblings and family, even taking her father to court. Eventually, Paula was able to break free of this vicious family cycle and moved to England, where she married and raised a daughter. Her strength in being able to raise her daughter, Emma, in a healthy way is remarkable considering the extreme dysfunction of her childhood.
This is the kind of book I would share with people who downplay the long-term effects of child abuse. Nov 18, Katharine Ott rated it really liked it Shelves: This book is the featured suggestion of a book club newly formed by Lisa Louise Cooke's The Genealogy Gems, so the family history focus is a given. Author Brockes realized, upon the death of her mother Paula, that she knew very little of her mother's early life in South Africa, which likely included some dark secrets. This well-paced novel explores that life through many conversations wi "She Left Me the Gun: This well-paced novel explores that life through many conversations with friends and family, and some helpful paper-trail research - "That the numbers in my notepad might correspond with a physical object in this building or in the vaults under it seems to me as improbable as stumbling on a message in a bottle which, when unfurled, has your own name upon it.
Not just your name, but your family's darkest secrets, typed up by a third party and signed by witnesses. A cast of lively personalities fill the book, as Brockes bravely tries to open closed doors. She is a sharply observant writer. In the end, the book tells a fascinating story of Brocke's mother - "I imagine her a little like the Enigma machine, ticking over for months and years, trying every possible mathematical combination until she cracked a way to live. Jun 04, Victoria rated it really liked it Shelves: With a glowing New York Times review, this book certainly has already caught a lot of attention.
But it lives up to its accolades - it has been a long time since I have read a memoir as gripping, as emotional and as genuinely moving. But it is an engrossing read, and one that leaves the reader feeling as though they have accompanied Brockes on every step of her difficult journey to truth. This all takes place against the stunning landscape of South Africa, which also leaves quite an impression on the author. The country is beautifully described - without being overly romantic or overly fearful despite the air of violence around so many encounters.
Brockes also weaves in a bit of historical context along the way, as well. Oct 07, Scott rated it liked it. This is my second hunt-down-the-truth-about-your-dead-parent memoir this year, and I'm definitely done.
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Yes, she wrote letters, and talked on the phone, but why the wall? After her mom's death dad is still alive, by the way, but doesn't seem to know much either , Brockes screws up the courage to go to South Africa, first for a quick research trip and then a six month stay.
I wish I could say that the unraveling was suspenseful, or moving, but it's not. We live through all the dead ends and unrevealing interviews with Brockes. We hear her repetitive internal monologue questioning the whole venture until we're numb. We watch her get really drunk. I think it's a distance issue: Brockes is a fine writer, and if she WERE her mom the actual story--or, at least, the bits and pieces we finally learn--seems pretty harrowing, if kind-of not that unusual there might be a fantastic book here.
But to me, as told, there was little universal interest. May 29, Stephen rated it really liked it. Emma Brocke's mother, Paula, had hinted at a troubled past but never quite got round to filling in the details. When Paula died Brocke felt the need to discover what her mother had not managed to tell her.
She Left Me the Gun: My Mother's Life Before Me
She travels to South Africa, where Paula grew up until leaving for England in her early 20s. She delves into archives, and meets relatives whom she has mostly only heard of. The process of her investigation is engaging, and the story she gradually uncovers is pretty fascinating, though very di Emma Brocke's mother, Paula, had hinted at a troubled past but never quite got round to filling in the details.
The process of her investigation is engaging, and the story she gradually uncovers is pretty fascinating, though very disturbing. The book is also interesting for its perspective on both Apartheid era and post-Apartheid South Africa, from the perspective of Brocke's white South African family. He would do people a kindness. Thing is, when he made crap, he made really big crap. Sing it and it will come true. As a narrator of an uncomfortable tale, Brockes treads with a reassuring lightness.
She Left Me
This is the best possible tribute to her mother. As soon as I finished reading it, I turned back to the first page and started again. She Left Me the Gun. Get the best at Telegraph Puzzles. A collection of the best contributions and reports from the Telegraph focussing on the key events, decisions and moments in Churchill's life. This book tells the story of the men and women of Fighter Command who worked tirelessly in air bases scattered throughout Britain to thwart the Nazis.