You will stop questioning yourself and become more confident in decision making. You tackle head on, your most common fears and road blocks which stand in the way of really loving and accepting yourself. Begin to identify your top triggers and how to shift out of your reactive habits. Continuing our study of sabotage and our inner critic, we will identify the core behaviours, instinctual reactions and the sabotaging beliefs which create problems in our relationships.
Learn a powerful meditation to create a new reality for yourself. Building from week 5, We learn how to put into action our Self Rights. You will explore in depth signs of health and unhealthy patterns of behaviour. The module also includes a Moving Forward Exercise to further explore areas of personal interest such as improving sexuality, friendships dating, sensuality, spirituality and more.
11 Easy Ways To Actually Love Yourself More
Long time readers will know that I tackled the topic of self-love several years ago. At the time, I shared everything I knew. The easy path is to distract yourself with drugs, alcohol, stress, white lies, busyness, bad relationships, external validation, and pretend happiness. But doing this makes you more of a cold, unfeeling robot, than a vivacious, hot blooded human.
One of my deepest wishes is that you wake up to how amazing and powerful you truly are.
Do you treat yourself like an important person who deserves love and respect, or are you subtly placing unreasonable expectations on yourself? What do your behaviors say about your relationship to yourself? Do you accept and acknowledge your dark side when it surfaces? Do you embrace the part of you that is pessimistic, lazy, depressed, violent, crude and offensive?
Loving yourself is really f***ing hard: here’s how to do it
Or do you pretend that everything is rainbows, gumdrops, and unicorn shits. Do you pretend that every day is a good day? To be human is to be stormy and tempestuous one day or moment , and then calm and sunny the next. To pretend otherwise is to deny who you truly are, and denying your truth is an act of self-loathing. Have you truly seen yourself for who you are? Can you grasp that your imperfections are what make you perfect? Have you owned the reality that life was inflicted upon you without asking and with it came trauma, abuse, disappointment and eventually death?
Do you acknowledge that these struggles will forever shape your life until you confront them and begin the healing process? You can begin healing, growing, and flourishing now. Doing so requires the courage and clarity to see yourself, so that you may begin the process of tearing down the walls that protect your heart. As you do this you will open to the flow of love and life around you. Every single person was born with unique gifts. The gifts can be anything from athletic performance, to empathy, to humor, to spirituality, to business acumen, and everything in between.
The real work of learning to love yourself is learning to see who you truly are and accepting it all.
The highest expression of love for yourself and the world is sharing those gifts freely and abundantly. What follows are guidelines for learning to love yourself. They are the things that consistently get results, laid out in a sequence that is congruent with how the heart and the mind tend to work. But there is no singular path forward. Your job is to find your path. My advice to you: See if it opens you and makes you happier. If so, keep working with it. If not, let it go. When you find a step or suggestion that inspires fear, reluctance, or disgust, approach it with curiosity.
Instead of allowing intense emotion to be a brick wall, use curiosity and patience to feel through it. The complicated relationship between feelings and actions. One of the secrets of human behavior is that how we feel and how we behave act reciprocally upon one another. Pause and take inventory of the actions that you perform throughout the day. Are they reflective of the actions you would take if you truly loved yourself?
For most, the answer is no. You can take a huge step forward by treating yourself as though you are intrinsically worthy of love. There is no prescriptive blend of behaviors that works for everyone. However the actions below are unusually effective and worth experimenting with. In fact, they are common. Instead try one or two. Take the risk of treating yourself well and see what happens. When I was living in Montreal, I had a roommate who pretended that every day was amazing.
Customers Also Bought Items By
She said she loved God, loved life, and felt grateful just to be on Earth. There was a huge disconnect between the stories she told everyone including herself and her reality. She wanted every day to be bright, sunny, and joyful. Just one little problem: Even the most beautiful, ancient forests are sometimes struck by lightning and burnt to the ground. At first glance, this seems like tragic, wasteful destruction. The fire destroys the forest; the ashes feed the soil; the soil provides a stronger, more nurturing environment; the forest grows back more radiant than before.
Beneath the pain, darkness and destruction rests a quiet core of growth, love, and beauty. This is true of a forest, and this is also true of a human. To step fully into the human experience you must embrace the darkness. At a more mundane level, it means realizing that suffering is part of the human experience.
To deny your suffering is to deny your humanity. You are a human. The second level of learning to love yourself is embracing who you really are. Cast away the societal bullshit of trying to be happy and content every second of your life and step into the greater reality of being honest about who you are and how you experience life. By doing so, you will create space to give and receive love. Doing this requires being honest about who you are, and that means embracing that you have a shadow side.
Have you ever felt fully loved? We live in a world that values a head far more than it values a heart. The only way a heart could survive is to protect itself with thick walls. The third and most difficult step involves finding, accepting, and removing the walls that protect your heart. I had a huge blind spot around being a child entertainer, that I simply could not have seen without a talented professional. Begin by digging into your life story.
The easiest way to do this is to create a space where you can express yourself freely. I suggest either writing in a journal or engaging in a verbal monologue, out loud, to yourself. Your task is to tell your life story from start to finish. Keep a photo of yourself as a child nearby while you go through these exercises. As you express yourself, go out of your way to be honest, vulnerable, and forthright. Lean into your rough edges, your humanity, and your rawness. One of my friends is a survivor of repeated childhood sexual abuse.
Worse still, her parents were aware of the abuse and did nothing to stop it. A few months ago, I was sharing something with her about how terrible it was being a child entertainer. Until that moment, I had been a victim of myself. For years, I had been telling myself that doing magic shows before my 18 th birthday, at the expense of my childhood, had no negative effects on me. The truth is, I was wrong. My past was affecting me. It was a big deal. Trauma and pain can be caused by obvious things like being raised by abusive parents, subtle things like a cruel word, and everything in between.
Where it comes from is not a reflection of your worthiness, strength, or ability as a human. As you embrace this, you will start to feel an opening. The deep work of learning to love is done by shining a bright light on yourself and accepting the truth about things that happened in your past. I am tempted to picture a fully formed, loving human as someone who lives in total bliss. Fawns eat from her hand and humming birds land on her shoulder to share their secrets. Only one problem with this image: To be human is to be both stormy and sunny.
It is to always be moving through the levels of self-love and self-compassion. There will be times in your life when it makes sense to do the deep work. Take those opportunities when you can. There will be times when you can feel — and even influence — the flow of the world around you. There will be times when stress catches up to you and even your favorite person pisses you off.
Having a shitty day? In one of those stretches where everything you touch turns to gold? Use it for good. Your ultimate work in self-love is simply this: When times are tough, be gentle on yourself.
When times are good, relish them. When you do this, everything in the world will burn brighter because of you. Learn how to find trust in your own inner voice, connect to your innate confidence, and more fully step into your life. You'll also get exclusive content and updates on new articles. Calling my shot… Jason Connell. How to handle the emotional chaos of change Jason Connell. A guide to overcoming self-doubt Jason Connell. How I transformed my life: What to do when the world grows dark Jason Connell. On life, death, and the moment Jason Connell.
How to understand, cultivate, and focus your energy Jason Connell. Escaping the prison of unworthiness Jason Connell. The emotional imprisonment of the modern male Jason Connell. How to make hard conversations easier and why I had five in one day Jason Connell. Thank you so much for writing and publishing this. Vivienne — this note means the world to me. Good luck on your journey. Hi Jason, Everything you said was on point. Perfectly worded, and really connected with me. I have a lot of trouble with consentrating whilst reading and always get distracted easily. You are unique and very talented, you have connected with so many people and inspired people by being raw, genuine and wording things perfectly as if you have an amazing understanding of how we feel You truly have a gift and have given me a brand new outlook.
And I appreciate the affirmation more than I can tell you. Im so happy to have you as a reader, and grateful for this note. Thank you so much for years I have not been happy as a child I took care of my mother who was had a manic depressive disorder, missed out on my teen age years and did not have a chance to go to university. I have done very well for my self but never felt really loved thank you I think your article is very well written and has inspired me to be who I a warm caring person with more empathy towards human suffering than most folks on the planet.
Your path has been a tough one — needing to take care of the person who was supposed to take care of you is really, really hard. On finding the strength to get back up Jason Connell. Bravo, and welcome to your new life. This is a wonderful article. You should make into a little booklet. I would buy some, keep one in my purse and give some to people I love!
- Kuckucksmutter: Liebe. Lust. Verzweiflung. (German Edition).
- Japanese Wordbook 1.
- Extensionalism: The Revolution in Logic?
- Barbara Rose.
- Loving yourself is really f***ing hard: here’s how to do it | Jason Connell;
- Energy Policy: Election Year Issues and Legislative Proposals.
The thought alone makes me smile…. I was lucky to have found this article as I start my journey. Very supportive and beautifully honest and frank. Thanks for sharing this knowledge with me Jason, you are part of my life changing journey. Honored to be part of your journey my friend. Hugs right back at ya. This article is so on point. I am the worst with self-loathing. And you are so right, why would you treat yourself this way when you would never treat someone else you love this way. We have one life to live, why spend it feeling unloved. You write with honesty and heart.
I really appreciate your comment and sincerity. Give yourself credit for being on the path; that alone is one of the most difficult steps. Thank you so much for doing what you do so well and sharing it with us. Goodness, that really opened my eyes and woke me up to reality!
Suzanne — this totally delighted me. Hahahah, and glad to hear that the TR article helped you… that was certainly a controversial one. I try to turn them all the way off at Thanks so much for sharing this. This post enabled to me have introspective epiphanies about things in my past that have negatively affected me in a significant way. Things that I tried to brush over and never truly deal with. Now I feel like I have brought some of these issues to light, and I will be able to tackle them head on. You totally made my night. Keep it up mon ami… good things are ahead of you.
Im honored that my work resonates with you and that it helps you along your path. Loving yourself is a process, not a destination something I constantly remind myself of. On a personal note, people like you, who continue reflecting and improving themselves and challenging themselves all through their lives inspire me. I aspire towards that. This is the most beautiful way someone has put the idea of loving yourself together. In this day and age when I struggle to hold onto one sentence with full attention, I think I read this article while not breathing..
I stumbled across it looking for a little help, and I just felt the stress and tention leaving my shoulders while I read this.. Thank you so much! I am so touched to hear that this article helped you and resonated with you. Though that may sound trite or cliche as you read it, know that as I type it, it is deeply sincere. Im honored to be able to accompany you during the dark moments — remember, they pass.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply! It appears you are a true giver and like someone said in a TEDTalk givers make the world a better place. I appreciate that more than you know. In fact, one of the very few ideas I have A LOT of faith in is that if we give without expecting or demanding much in return, the better everything goes. So…as I stand at the precipice of attempting the journey to love myself, Ive found your article resonates so deeply.
Your words were almost like hearing my voice in my own head. From an alcoholic dad, a child of divorce, being molested as a child, domestic violence as an adult, a drug addicted brother, another brother I lost to suicide and now fighting my own battle with loneliness, inadequacy and relentless anxiety about my own failings….. I have tried and failed many times to forgive myself, to love myself and each time I come up empty and broken. I felt so moved and so familiar with what you have written in this piece that I just had to reply.
Lisa — so glad to hear that this article resonates deeply with you and I really appreciate your note. Keep fighting for that light. It will grow brighter. A lot of times, the hardest part is owning the decision to invest in yourself. Thanks so much for writing this. This has helped give me a perspective that I need. Have a great weekend. Thank you for making this available for those who are suffering with themselves and not hiding enlightenment behind a paywall; like most others would.
Every sentence is like a punch to the gut in terms of how true it is to me. Good luck on your path. Thanks for this article. This really hits home. I have been working hard all my life hoping some time that I would love myself. Now wonderful wife and daughter and still the same daemon as in I am the one holding myself back with negative imaging. Started with magic morning just now and lots of meditation. I believe that when I move past this I can reach a whole new level in life. I have beaten so many odds already that logically speaking I should be able to beat this.
Keep investing in yourself, keep reading things that nurture you, get help and support when you need it, and perhaps most importantly, be as honest with yourself as you can. It was so good, I took many many notes. It was very easy to read and truly a guide. Thank you for reading and good luck on your path. I try to learn self love for a long time but never really got it. To affirm yourself with too positive affirmation,looking at the mirror and saying that all is well is just imposible for my subconscious mind to accepte.
As I read your article i reliased that to love yourself, words are just not enough, you need to really do something good for you and than the feeling of love will apear. I really needed this. Thanks for reading and commenting. I was feeling very lost and this article really stood out to me.
I am very excited to see what this journey has in store for me. Thank you for what you do, keep up the great work. Ryan — I so appreciate the kind words. This is an insanely amazing article.
Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you, I really needed this. The funny part is that when we relax, a lot of times, we start to grow on our own. Hello Jason, I just happened to find your post through google…and I am so thankful I did. I have had depression and anxiety as long as I can remember. The last few months I am going through the lowest, darkest, and most difficult time I have ever delt with. As my life unfolded I have been through my share of treatments.
11 Easy Ways To Actually Love Yourself More
I cant remember a time where i can honestly say I have. I raised two wonderful children on my own. I pushed a lot of emotions and feelings down deep because I felt I could not let my children see them. I had to be the strong mother to make sure they grew up able to deal with life. Just recently my seventeen year old son seen me cry…well maybe it was sobbing.
I kept saying sorry for letting him to see me like this. Thank you for sharing this because i feel i would have never figured out what I really needed to work on. I now know I truly do not love myself and that is the first thing I will be working on. I am finally looking forward to what the future has in store for me. Again, thank you, i will be reading more of your post to help me on my journey!! Really really glad that you can see some light at the end of the tunnel. And if I may, it sounds like you raised an amazing son. I hope you feel good about that. Honored to have you as a reader. I have thankfully found it easy in the past to practice gratitude and self love, but sometimes life happens and and I have definitely veered off that path as of late.
Feeling lately like I was going through an off-season. This made me laugh and cry, and then hug myself, and then cry some more, but now I feel lighter and much easier on myself!