Manual Husbands and Lies

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If that person happens to be someone she liked and trusted, the betrayal is doubled yet again. Generally speaking, women are wired in ways that prevent them from separating and compartmentalizing sex and romance the way most men can.

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Husbands and Lies by Susy McPhee

And any evidence she finds to this effect will make things worse. And if you gave your affair partner thoughtful gifts or took her on some romantic weekend getaways… Ouch! Especially if your spouse would have liked those gifts or trips for herself. For your mate, there is a huge difference between learning about your cheating when you remorsefully and voluntarily confess versus the following: If she has been abused, neglected, or otherwise traumatized by her family, old boyfriends, etc. As such, she may be responding to much more than your betrayal.

This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Lies often start as self-preservation, but generally turn to self-destruction. I agreed this was certainly possible, but I asked him to articulate why he was so certain of that before we moved on. He stated to me that the women he was dating must be flawed, because all he ever did was lie and cheat on them, and still they all professed to love him.

Husband Reveals Secret To Wife He Says He Thought He’d "Take To Grave"

Not surprisingly, he had never mentioned the lying and cheating, and was indeed also lying to his therapist. He thought the lies he was telling were self-preserving, when they were really self-sabotaging. People often believe that their intentions justify the lie.

2. He sounds kind of strange

This type of lying is a very slippery slope. Make honesty with your partner a conscious decision and a habit. For many people, finding a good, trusting relationship is a monumental life task. Instead of creating distance and inauthenticity, it creates trust and bonding, which is what most people genuinely want in their relationships.

Honey, have you made the mortgage payment? Why yes dear, the check is in the mail when really it is not. You were late coming home last night, where were you?

Husbands and Lies

Honey, what do you think of my new outfit? Spouse who does not like it at all - well, it is interesting! Honey, I am having a friend over for lunch. I will take that opportunity to give you alone time with your friend to go get some PT in when secretly he or she does not care for that particular friend.


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It is life commitment. Your spouse grew up in a family that taught her how to be who she is today. Yes, there are other influences and people can change, but family is a primary force in the development of any individual.

How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Lovelife

The fact that she's continually late or her apartment is a mess is not likely to change because of your undying love. Pay attention to the red flags you see during the dating relationship, especially the more serious ones, such as drinking too much, violent temper, promise breaking, etc.

Chances are these things won't improve but worsen after the honeymoon is over. That's the only part you can change. Differences are not a major problem as long as the differences are not about life values and morals. Incompatibility doesn't kill a relationship.


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  4. The real issue is how you handle your differences. You need compatible styles that work for both people. Some differences are unsolvable and couples need to learn to accept those. And the Bible gives clear guidelines on how to deal with conflict in a Christ-like way. Intense passion doesn't last forever but love can stay for a lifetime.

    Why Men Lie About Cheating…

    You may not always feel love but you must determine to love your partner as yourself. The loving feeling dwindles when couples lock into negative patterns that lead them away from each other. Criticism moves to contempt and highly defensive behavior that eventually leads to emotional distance. The truth is you can restore that loving feeling with a number of changes. One is to make five positive statements to your spouse for every negative one. Other changes focus on building friendship and support. I don't doubt when men tell me they no longer feel love for their wives. I just want them to understand that loving feelings can be rekindled.

    Out of frustration, many men feel that if their relationship could be more like the Brady Bunch couple, life would be happier.


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    They are confused about gender roles and responsibilities. Submission is a misunderstood and often abused concept. God's intention for marriage is gender equality. On two occasions, God revealed His will on earth concerning gender--in the Garden and in the life of Christ. Look to those examples of how men and women should interact.

    You will find that no matter how you negotiate the relationship, you need mutual submission, respect, honor, empowerment and empathy.